The Captivating Woman

Designed with purpose.

Party of One

Moving out is possibly the biggest turning point in the life of a young adult. You have spent your whole life relying on someone else to do your grocery shopping, to pay your bills, and now you are in the real world. If you are at all like me, you moved out as soon as humanly possible.

I commuted to school from my dad’s house the first eighteen months of my college career. I was ready to move closer to school and cut my nearly hour long commute to and from school down, gain a little independence, and finally have some time to myself – living in a three bedroom house with six other people offers little alone time.

I had a budget.
I had a plan.
I was ready.

I was not ready.

I did not have a first clue about what constituted a ripe avocado, I did not realize how little time it took for bread to get moldy, and I did not know how to manage all my independence. After two months, I was more exhausted then when I was spending at least two hours a day in my car driving.

That is when I discovered meal prepping and having a planner.

I know it is not rocket science. I was not reinventing anything. I was discovering for the first time how important these two well-tested concepts were. I was also discovering how hard it is to go from prepping food for seven people to prepping food for one person, and how hard it is to go from only having to plan your studying to having to plan your whole life.

If, like me, you struggle with knowing how to live life as a party of one, not because of pressure to find a soul mate but because of pressure to be a human, keep reading.

I have found three easy steps that helped me make huge strides toward party of one living: forward thinking, boundaries, and structure.

  1. Forward Thinking – having a plan when you go into the grocery store. Make a weekly meal plan, create lists of what needs to be purchased, and go to the store with all of it in mind (and in hand). I have found that the hardest part is not sticking to the plan at the store, but sticking to the plan throughout the week. If you know on Wednesday night you will not want to spend an hour preparing an amazing lasagna because you have to work late, then make a quick frozen dinner your plan for Wednesday. Set yourself up for a win, not for defeat.
  2. Boundaries – having a plan with your weekly schedule and not backing down. For introverts, this one might be a little easier, but it is still something we all have to learn to do in our planners. Make sure each week in your calendar, you have time set aside to decompress. This could be the day you catch up on your reading, your sleep, or your Netflix binging. Trust me, the best way to avoid burn out is to put this day in your schedule. Know yourself and realize whether you need a full day or can handle just a few hours. Either way, treat this appointment on your calendar like a coffee date with your best friend – rescheduling is ok once or twice, even canceling once in a while is fine with your best friend, but you would not cancel on them week after week or they would probably stop being your best friend.
  3. Structure – creating a pace for your life after college but before family. In college, structure is easy. Well, at least easier. You get the syllabus at the beginning of the quarter/semester; you know when breaks will be for vacation and when to cram for finals. Once this structure goes away, it can be hard to plan your life. For me, graduation seemed freeing: no more homework, no more cram seasons, books I want to read and more time with friends. After the initial excitement weaned, there was sheer panic of how to act like an adult and fill my hours after work. I did not have children to feed and ready for bed, I did not have a husband or boyfriend to plan dates out or in with. What in the world, was I going to do? The truth is, I did not do this well. I would spend super late nights out with friends, followed by lonely weekends in of not talking to single person. Once I found a structure that worked for me (Mondays at small group, Tuesdays by myself, Wednesdays leading high school girls, Thursdays out with friends, etc), it was easier to not find burn out or extreme boredom. It’s weird to think, the one thing I disliked most about high school and college is the one thing I craved as an adult.

These are not new ideas, these are not Pulitzer winning steps, but they are tried and true things that have worked for me, and I hope they work for you. If you have any questions, or further things to add, please let us know!

We’re all in this thing called life together – cue Zac Efron…

Learning Gratitude

In case you did not remember, Thanksgiving happens between Halloween and Christmas. If you based your calendar each year around the way stores are decorated, you might have forgotten about Thanksgiving. Our culture certainly throws it in like they have all forgotten. It seems like when we get into November, we begin buying Christmas presents and decorating our homes. The pesky fourth Thursday of the month rolls around and we all collectively scream, “Oh yea! I guess we need to get together, eat a lot, and watch football.”

A day meant to remind us to be thankful has been squeezed between loud parties and presents under the tree.

A day where we should be celebrating all the amazing moments of our year has become another argument in our kitchens on how long the turkey should be cooked.

I want the culture to change.
I cannot do it by myself.

In the book of Luke, chapter 17, there is story of Jesus healing ten lepers. These lepers were standing outside the city because their disease made them unclean and unfit to enter. They yelled at Jesus as He was entering to have mercy on them, probably having heard of who Jesus was and of what He was capable of. Jesus told them to go to the priests and show themselves; as they went they were made clean.

Wow. What a miracle. Ten lepers cleansed.
Of those ten, only one returned to Jesus to say thank you.

Only one.

It is somewhat comforting to hear this story and know the culture of lacking gratitude has existed for over 2,000 years. It is mostly heartbreaking.

There is so much to be grateful for, yet daily we, I, take it for granted.

Jesus is working small and big miracles in my life and I often forget to go back and say thank you. Most of my prayer time is focused on the requests and petitions I have for what’s coming next, and so little of my prayer time on being grateful for all He has already done.

It is no wonder when the fourth Thursday in November comes around each year, I do not even know where to begin. Thankfulness is a craft that needs to be honed, a craft I have not tried very hard to be better at. It starts with daily gratitude in the little things. It starts with me remembering to go back and say thank you.

Therefore, starting now at the end of 2016, I am going to begin each prayer with gratitude. I know some days I will forget. I also know when I remember to give thanks in all circumstances, each day will feel a little easier to handle. Giving thanks is not just a good idea, but something Jesus commanded as He spoke throughout scripture.

Thanksgiving: a day to give thanks. Let us make the next year one of giving thanks.

Adventure.

Alaska was always this magical land where the sun never sets and then turns around, refusing to rise. A place with wild creatures and snow covered peaks, glaciers, and villages. A place I dreamed of visiting, never thinking the day would come.

Then I went twice in five weeks.

My job has taken me all over the world. I get to travel with short-term mission’s teams, love on the lost and restore hope. When I was assigned two separate Anchorage trips, I did not know what to do. All of my “mission’s clothes” were made for summer heat and humid thunderstorms; I had been working on my Spanish all year long. Now, I was going to serve a group of people I knew little about with teams I had never met.

This is adventure.

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On my first trip, I was able to work with teenagers who had never picked up a Bible and knew little of Christ. Our team helped them fundraise money to go to camp by selling hundreds of donuts in parking lots and on street corners. One of the girls raising money had only stepped through the doors of church a week prior to our arrival; she was looking for someone, anyone, to pay attention and notice her. Our team poured into her life, praying the week after we left as she went to camp she would come to know Jesus as her personal Lord and Savior.

As I stepped out of the airport five weeks later, nearly the first sentence out of my mouth was a question about her.

She had yet to accept Jesus as her Savior.

I was heartbroken.

Coming off a June of anguish and confusion, and a July of change I did not ask for, I needed this. I needed her to have said yes to Jesus. Why was my hard work of pouring into her not enough?

MY hard work. There is the problem.

I had spent my whole first trip pouring into her out of myself, not out of my abundance of Jesus. I tried to save her. Me. Jamie. I had forgotten saving was not my job.

It took two nights in Anchorage the second time around for me to get it. I cried out to God asking why she had not yet been saved. Wasn’t I doing enough? Jesus gently spoke to me in the way only He can,

“Jamie, it’s your job to point to me, it’s my job to run to her.”

Wow. What a beautiful reminder of how Jesus loves us. Of the prodigal son’s return. The rest of my second stay in Alaska was spent watching her grow and lead in our VBS, right alongside the team from Alabama. As she watched our team love kids and love Jesus with such abandon, I saw her begin to change. At the end of our trip, she prayed with another leader on our team the prayer of salvation.

We rejoiced with Jesus. She had found the hope she was longing for.

This is why I am a missionary. This is why I spend agonizing weeks fundraising my salary, preparing teams for travel, flying around the world. I go for the one.

Thank God for big reminders like Anchorage.
Thank God for not giving up on me.
Thank God for HOPE.

Meet Jen Swift

It is my complete joy and pleasure to introduce you to my friend, Jen Swift. We have been friends for two years and we get to battle in ministry together every week (and battle against each other in games often at her house, we are both quite competitive and have been told we are fun to watch for those who are not as passionate as we are). She is one of the realest, most amazing humans you will ever meet and I am so excited for you all to get to know her.

First off, where do you live and how old are you?
I live in the beautiful Napa, California and I am 25 years young (in my quarter life crisis, I guess).

Give me three words to describe you.
Sensitive. Compassionate. Awesome-Sauce. (That totally counts as one word).

What is your day job?
I am currently serving on the worship staff at my church as the Hillside School of Worship Director. I also work as a Home Manager in a transition home for girls who have been victims of human trafficking.

What made you get into that?
I picked up a guitar to play and sing a worship song when I was 16, and I have loved worship ever since. I have served on worship teams and in pastoral ministries off and on since that time. My current position as the Hillside School of Worship Director is a great blend of the two, giving me the space to release the gifts God has given me in worship while also helping others discover and develop their God-given gifts.
For as long as I can remember, a longing has stirred within me to lead those broken, hurting, and intensely in need of restoration through the journey of healing that only comes from Jesus.

My position as a Home Manager allows me to walk with girls through remarkable (and seemingly impossible) transformation. I get the pleasure of seeing Jesus’ relentless pursuit of the broken and His life changing power at its finest every day. It is challenging and draining to say the least, but it is so meaningful and wonderful to serve in this ministry.

What is your ministry of choice when it comes to serving?
That is such a tough question! I have served in almost every ministry imaginable and have loved most of them. I really just love doing ministry that I know touches the heart of God. I definitely sense that the most when I lead worship. I don’t just want to “work” for God and serve people, I want to move Him and touch His heart. When my attention, affection, and adoration is given to Him in worship, it indeed is well with my soul.

What are you most passionate about?
I am quite passionate about coffee, puppies, Parks and Recreation, and anything having to do with superheroes. More seriously, I am passionate about people being free and living in the fullness of life in Jesus. Nothing makes my heart joyful like seeing people know who they are in Christ, and being able to release their God enabled gifts, passions, and abilities. Therefore, much of my life is oriented around helping people dismantle their hurts, discover God and who He created them to be, and release the treasures God has put inside them.

Have you ever had an experience/time in your life where you wanted to just throw in the towel and walk away? What did that look like?
After graduating college, I had nothing on the horizon. Though I walked into my college experience sure I would come out strong and ready to take on the world, I walked out without a clue of what I was built for and what made me passionate. I had less direction than when I started. Though I had a job and new job opportunities, it felt as though each was met with God’s gentle “no”. I watched my peers jump into seemingly very successful positions and communities while I left my job, my community, and moved across the state without much to go off of except a sense that God wanted me to move to Napa. Through that experience leaving my life behind and moving into some big unknowns, God began to uncover my hidden life-long battles with depression and anxiety. I wrestled, for over a year, to healing and deliverance by God’s grace. I wanted to give up many times but God was faithful. I don’t think I could ever find the words to explain just how good He is and all that He did for me in that season. I came to know Him in ways I never did as my Father and Shepherd, and I learned so much about myself. I am more alive and free than I have ever been because of Jesus; and I have learned to trust Him when I don’t understand.

What is the greatest advice you have ever been given?
“Feel what you feel when you feel it.” One of my college professors said this in my class and I never forgot it. Oftentimes, woman can be criticized for being overly emotion. Because of this, I spent a lot of my life trying not to feel. I kept busy, told myself “it’s not a big deal”, and ran from anything that made angry, hurt, or even happy. It was my greatest means of defense to shut down. Consequently, I wasn’t really alive; or at least I didn’t feel that way. I also realized that I was hung up on anything and everything bad that had ever happened to me because I hadn’t given myself the time or space to feel it. Our emotions are signs of life and signs of things that are not to be ignored. I have found it best to feel what I feel when I feel it. Meaning, when I have some kind of emotional reaction, I break away from the day for a moment and just let myself be angry, sad, happy, etc. I feel “it” so that I can find whatever “it” is and give it Jesus. It has allowed me to a much more alive and free person.

What advice would you give to someone who was chasing their dream?
Let yourself fail. Understanding that you are a life-long learner will get you far in life. There is not a single person who has always started everything in life at an “expert” level. Lean in to the uncomfortable-ness of not knowing how to do something. Have grace with yourself, take the pressure off of always being the best, and learn to take risks.

Wake up early. Someone recently told me that successful people wake up early. Research undisputedly shows this; and I have found myself so much more productive when I wake up early and take the time to be fed emotionally, spiritually, and physically at the start of the day. Don’t let the day just happen as it comes, get out ahead of it!

Keep a checklist. It’s quite unrealistic to only ever take things as they come or to let your dreams just go with the wind (believe me, I have tired). You have to get your hands dirty and get things done. Having a “to-do” list will keep you on track to reaching your dreams, and it will help you feel accomplished as you cross things off. Of course, it’s also important not to let your checklist run you because it will ruin you. I have found that starting my week on Mondays by mapping out all the things I need to do that week and setting a realistic deadline is the best thing for me.

Track your progress and celebrate! Things that get measured get done. You will quickly feel like giving up on your dreams if you feel like you aren’t getting anywhere. You should be celebrating yourself every week or at least every month! It will reenergize you and renew your sense of purpose for going after your dreams. So, take the time to reflect your progress and find the growth and accomplishments to celebrate.

If you could travel anywhere, where would you choose and why?
ITALY. The sights, the food, the culture, the history. Need I say more?

What would you make me if I came over for a dinner party at your place?
Hands down…Tacos. And you would love it. We would also play TONS of cards, and I would beat you.

Who has been your biggest spiritual influence?
My pastors and my closest friends have been my biggest spiritual influences. My pastors have tended to be like family to me as my spiritual fathers (or brothers), and they have also been my mentors. They have loved me well, seen my strengths and weaknesses, and challenged me to grow in my passion, gifts, and intimacy with Christ. My closest friends have done the same. They are godly women who have simply been with me through many seasons always championing me through celebration, support, encouragement, and prayer. Both my pastors and my friends have modeled humility to serve beyond self, obedience at all costs, perseverance in all seasons, and a life deeply rooted in Christ.

Who are some Captivating Women you love and how could we find them on social media.

Natalie Garcia –
While Natalie is easily the sassiest person I have ever known, she is also the strongest. She is the perfect mixture of playful and deep making you laugh until you pee followed by making you cry until your soul is a little more free. She has a beautiful way of unlocking people with her presence and speaking straight into deepest parts of the heart in the most needed ways with the breathe, care, and love of God. Natalie is humble, teachable, beautiful, talented, anointed, caring, and, above all, faithful to her Father no matter the cost. I don’t think I have known anyone who is as fully present wherever she is, living and loving without reservation or bias. Natalie is fearless and absolutely unafraid to take risks. She is incredibly thoughtful, and is well thought of by all she comes in contact with. She strives for excellence in all that she does and has one of the most beautiful hearts I have ever seen.

Find her on Instagram @natalie_alexx and purchase her song “Shepherd of My Soul” from the album From the Vine on iTunes.

Marissa Deraya –
Marissa is the person that everyone wants on their team. She is the ultimate woman of strength and support, and she adds SO much to any room she walks in to. Marissa is extremely life giving as I have seen countless times people light up when she walks into a room. I have never known someone so patient, hard-working, dependable, focused, and given to each step of the process. She doesn’t rush ahead because she wants to do things right and well, and she is known to follow through. Marissa has about a million different laughs, each one better than the first (and when she yawns she sounds like Chewbacca). She is incredibly fun, goofy and nerdy, while also being smart, caring, deep, anointed, confident, and just plain cool. She cares about quality; and, in turn, I have found her to be a person of the highest quality within herself. Marissa loves a challenge and does hard things with ease knowing she can overcome any obstacle. She is incredibly compassionate and passionate about what God has called her to; and she is sure to impact this world forever just by being Marissa.

Find her on Instagram @marissaderaya.

Allison Vazquez –
Alli is perhaps the most joyful person on planet earth. Not to mention, Joy is her middle name, and it’s overwhelmingly contagious when she is around. She is always so passionate about the things of God and unafraid to proclaim her faith. Alli cares deeply about people and will give it all to help another at the drop of a hat. She has a natural way of softening people as she loves without limit and is simply Alli wherever she is. Alli leaves her mark wherever she goes simply by being who God created her to be, and she is by all means a dreamer. She is anointed, committed, ambitious, and unstoppable.

Find her encouraging and equipping others on Instragam @_she.is_

What do you think makes a Captivating Woman?
I think a truly captivating woman is one who is life-giving, often in unexplainable ways. She can walk into a room or right into the heart of a person and give life with her words or with her very presence. A captivating woman is also one who is secure. She has confidence that goes beyond the moment and beyond “how it’s going”. She is secure even in the midst of weakness. This is a confidence surely found in the daughter who knows exactly who she is in her Father. A captivating woman is one who is fully present. She doesn’t hold back but is simply present and transparent. She isn’t dull or passive, nor does she hide. She is a fighter, a dreamer, a sensitive soul yet as strong as they come. In being fully present and fully herself, she is beautiful; and she is captivating.

What is your favorite scripture/Bible story and why?
Ecclesiastes 3:11 is (currently) my favorite verse. It reads:

“He has made everything beautiful in its time.”

It is an amazing reminder that beauty takes time. I must confess, I don’t always inwardly and outwardly feel beautiful. There is so much that I think I lack in my character and in my person; however, just because I don’t see it now doesn’t mean it will never appear. There is a proper time for beauty to be revealed; and, often, it needs to first be refined. This verse is an encouragement as I walk through difficulty, uncomfortable seasons, and waiting that there is purpose to it all. I may not see all the beauty I want to see in my life, but I will get there. And I know it will be worth the wait because it will be the work of God and not of my own.

March Favorites: Jamie Edition

I feel so old saying this, but SERIOUSLY? How is 2016 already 25% done? The year seems to be flying by for me personally, at work and in ministry. I have had so many favorite things (saying this out loud makes me feel like Oprah a little). Here are five of my favorites from March:

  1. “Celebration of Discipline” by Richard Foster. Our staff uses space at my church for our offices, and each week the two staff teams meet on Thursday morning for devotions. We’ve been going through this book, chapter by chapter, and discussing it each week. Man, let me tell you, each page has so many margin notes and highlights. The chapter rocking my world so far is on Meditation. It is a word I don’t often associate with Christianity, but it something that is vital to our experience and connection with God. I won’t give too much away, you need to experience it for yourself.
  2. Iced Coffee. Being a California girl, March means two things: dresses without tights and coffee with ice. The best trick for making iced coffee at home is to put coffee in ice cube trays and freeze it, that way your cold coffee isn’t all watered down. I love my iced coffee with vanilla flavored almond milk, or from Starbucks with soy and toffee nut. However you choose to indulge, iced coffee is here to stay (until October that is).
  3. March Madness. If you follow my personal account on Twitter, you know that I am a sports junkie. I will watch any sport on television, and March Madness is no exception. This year, I had three different brackets. That’s right, three. And all of them were busted after the first round thanks to Michigan State. Still, I have watched nearly every game from various locations. I love the chaos of the tournament, and it is the perfect thing to hold me over until my true love (baseball) begins.
  4. Rescue. This year, my church’s theme for Easter was Rescue. We spent the whole month talking about stories of Rescue, from the Bible and from within our church body. It was a great reminder to me that everyone has a story, and God is faithful to Rescue all who call on His name.
  5. My final favorite for March is the latest Hillsong Young & Free album, “Youth Revival.” It is equal parts worship and EDM, equal parts hype and depth. The sophomore album from the next generation of Hillsong does not disappoint. While their first album was all about finding their sound and being as different from Hillsong United as they could be, “Youth Revival” is about them are settling in. I promise this album has a little something for everyone, definitely check it out.

 

Now, what should have made my list, but didn’t? Let me know in the comments or by tagging me on social media. I want new things to make the list for me in April.