For those of you that have been with us in the beginning, within the wild middle of posts being thrown out weekly, or near the end, THANK YOU!
It breaks my heart that 2016 was the year of soil for my life, then 2017 and 2018 happened and it was like the soil dried up and every good fruit died with it.
Please tell me you relate. Please tell me that I’m not the only woman who has felt like this! Actually, I do know that I’m not the only one. It’s really weird – my friends from college have said things like, “I’m struggling to pray. I am struggling to connect. I just don’t have that fire like we did when we were in college.” Right there with you girlfriend. In college, going to coffee shops and having a bible study was something we loved to do. Now, I am exhausted after an 8-9 hour day of work which means that connecting with the Father and reading the Bible sounds like a chore…a miserable chore. I’ve asked the Lord why I feel this way. I’ve had long discussions with friends about this topic. You know what? The Father answered me and it was brutal.
You didn’t choose Me. You choose the world.
He’s right. Even though I went to church and said a few Christian-ese things in 2018, I wasn’t putting Him first. My spirit could feel the darkness, the bitterness, the anger. I choose to gossip over stepping out of the conversation. I choose to watch endless amounts of TV over choosing to spend time with Him. I chose the world.
This isn’t rocket science. Eat a lot + no exercise =you gain weight.
Just like our spiritual health – no prayer + no Jesus + a little hit of Him like a drug on Sunday morning = a person who feels so detached from the voice of the Lord. I was gaining worldly weight.
2018 was the year of the world. It was the year of me and what I wanted and how I wanted to do it. I’m not saying I did anything criminal or close to it, but I was a fake Christian. I played the part like an Emmy award actress.
2018 wasn’t all bad, fake, news. Around September, I finally took a breath of fresh air – heavenly air. I received this prophetic word that made me cry all the way home. My friend Abby said, “I see Jesus hammering a nail on your head. The nail is truth and righteousness. The nail has cracked your head and you’re stepping out as a new person.”
Truth and righteousness.
Do you ever feel that once you’ve sinned a bunch that God is saying, “Woaaaah! We got to take back her calling. We were not expecting her to do that! Why did we ever think she could do it?” Oh, girl, I’ve felt it. I felt like The Captivating Woman was completely dead because of all that I have done…all the sin I dabbled in. But here is the Father saying, “I am nailing truth and righteousness into you.” I felt like I lost my qualification. Turn to me reading the lineage of Christ (Matthew 1) – imperfect people, people who did things their own way, yet God still allowed them to play a big part in the Kingdom.
My hope, my prayer, my dream for The Captivating Woman is just obedience. The Lord isn’t saying for this to be perfect, for posts to be coming every Tuesday and Thursday, and to have a following as large as SheReadsTruth.
He is calling for obedience. He is calling for connection. He is calling for a beautiful friendship.
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