All of us, everyday, come to put our faith, our worth, our trust, our hope, in something, or someone. For many of us, that may look like a significant other, a parent, a close friend, and at times, God. I want to challenge you with a thought today- if God was the only person you had left to put these in- Would you be okay? Would it rock your entire world?
Well, if that thought scares you; that’s understandable. Yet it’s a very real reality each of us may face one day, and we need to come to terms with it.
For me, being a believer, I strongly felt that the place I put all of my faith was in God. Until the day I lost my Dad.
My Dad and I had a relationship where basically anytime my life was falling apart, he’d fix it. I called him for everything. “Dad my car is making a strange noise!!” Or “Dad this guy was so mean to me today and I got a parking ticket and I have no money and had the worst week ever!” Whatever it was, my Dad always made it better. “Sweetie it’s okay, don’t worry. Just pray. You’re beautiful. I’ll fix it. I’ll pay for it.” And he called me and texted me all the time, always encouraging even when I was annoyed and never responded. Most of the time I took his ever presence in my life for granted and just thought to myself “he’ll always love me and he’ll always be there.” Although that was true, it wasn’t in the way I imagined it to be.
February 11th was like most days. My Grandpa had passed away a few days before so my Dad was a little more pushy with texts than normal. But I was being short with him because I missed my Grandpa. He wanted me to call that morning so he could record something for the funeral, but being my 22 stressed out college student self, I said “Dad!!! Can I please just call tomorrow?!” He finally agreed. I figured it wasn’t a big deal, since I was seeing him that weekend anyways and I had a huge midterm due later so it was understandable. Tragically, that weekend never came. And tomorrow morning would be too late.
I finished my final and as I drove home that night, I received a phone call that my Dad had a heart attack. He took his last breath at 8:20pm.
This reality sank in hard. Everything was gone in just a moment. Every opportunity I thought I had to tell him I loved him. To give him the picture I painted for his birthday. To thank him for always being there. Gone. And the scariest part was the reality that I was now alone. The person who was always there to fix everything, that made everything better, is gone, and isn’t coming back.
As painful as this was to realize, and as heartbroken as I am, there is something profound that has come out of losing my Dad. God has brought me to fully put everything in him, and in return has given me a steady heart.
Now, when I feel broken, when I’m scared, when I feel unworthy, I call upon Jesus. Yes, it is hard not having my Dad, but I learned an invaluable lesson on where my faith needs to be. Where my hope and my trust should be placed. And it’s fully in the hands of God.
I’m not saying don’t love your loved ones, or rely on them. Because God put them in your life for a reason. But realize it is Gods love you should rely on ultimately. Don’t lose sight of the SOURCE of the love that you feel. Keep your relationship with God a top priority and don’t take it for granted. God has innumerable strength; and unending, unwavering love. Lean into it. Abide in it.
When you put your hope in things of the world, your heart will feel uneasy. So instead, put your trust, hope, faith, and worth in God and He will give you in return a steady heart.
“The LORD will work out his plans for my life–for your faithful love, O LORD, endures forever. Don’t abandon me, for you made me.” -Psalm 138:8
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