Stop saying pretty, please.

There are a lot of things we cannot control in this life. For starters, we cannot control our make-up, our family, our heritage, or where we come from. Boom. We’re born into that. We do not have a say if we’re classified as Northern or Southern. We don’t get a choice over how many siblings we have.

We also cannot control our physical make-up. Our eye color, hair texture, skin color, super-fast or super-slow metabolism, and the list goes on and on. We cannot control if math comes natural to us; we cannot control if words and letters appear jumbled when we read. We can study hard, have tutors. We can have personal trainers and, heck, nowadays we can buy colored contacts if we are that dissatisfied with our eye color. So sure, maybe these things aren’t definite things; they’re not determinants of who we might be or not be forever. We can try and change some of those things, but ultimately, we do not initially control them.

So, here we sit with a ton of physical, emotional, and mental things we cannot control. We got dealt these things. This is what we are working with.

If that is true, why do we judge on them? Why is so much pressure, so much emphasis, so much of our precious time spent worrying and stressing about looks, when we ultimately don’t control them? Why do people drool over silky hair, symmetrical faces, sultry eyes, when we do not have a say over them? Why are people made fun of for acne, for being pigeon-toed, for bushy eye brows, when that is the genetic make-up they’re born with?

Why is “being pretty” such a compliment, when it is merely complimenting the gene pool and chromosomes we possess? When people want to compliment appearance, I simply want to point them to Andrea and Scott – my lovely parents – because it is their compliment. My thick hair, weird earlobes, and hazel eyes all came from them. I did not earn them, nor work for them. They simply came with the rest of me.

We are born into a culture that’s beauty-focused and pretty-obsessed. My compact face powder has “flawless coverage” for 24 hours; it is named Infallible. According to the box, this compact powder is perfect – it will literally not fail me. If you’re from the south, you may have grown up being told to “not act ugly.”

What is the opposite of ugly? Pretty.

We are told to act pretty, to be pretty.

We are constantly looking at magazines and comparing ourselves to the clothes, styles, and women in them. Heck, US Weekly has an entire spread of “Who wore it better?” We are programmed from such an early age to compare, to decide which we like more, and to decide what is prettier.

Ladies, let’s abolish “pretty” from our vocabulary. Compliment on other things besides gorgeous faces and great clothes, because those are (literally) surface-level. Your best friend who has stood by your side through trials and pain is not simply pretty; she is beautiful. She is gentle, tender, kind, caring, servant-minded and that – that right there – is beautiful. That is magnificent, raw, deep, and so beautiful.

Christ calls us His beloved.

He has chosen us. He has picked us. He has paid a deep, steep, and immeasurable price for us. For our hearts. A price that holds much more weight than great cheekbones and dainty wrists. A price that is not masked by foundation or silk.

I smile and say “thank you” when someone tells me I look nice. Yes, that is so sweet and kind. How far is that going to get me, though?

Not too far.

Yes, in this world, unfortunately it can sometimes seem like it gets us farther than I believe is fair. However, this life, is not about this life. This life is preparation for eternity. This life is preparation for home. Home with our Father. A home that is so deeply and intrinsically beautiful. A home that is full of “pretty” hearts. Beautiful people do not always look like they walked out of Vogue. Beautiful people, though, will be the ones that listen. The ones that care. The ones that will encourage you and be there for you, when you are down on yourself because you do not look like a woman from Vogue. Guess what. You are not supposed to. You are supposed to look like you, the beautiful way your Father designed you, and strive for a beautiful life – not face.

“Do not let your adorning be external – the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear – but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious.” – 1 Peter 3:3-4

“Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.” – Proverbs 31:30