The Captivating Woman

Designed with purpose.

Let’s Talk about Friendship

Think back to when life was simple as a child and you had no responsibilities. You had all the time in the world to sit with your friends and laugh until your stomach hurt. Now fast forward to adulthood. Life is busy. Stress is never far away. Responsibilities are growing at a rate you sometimes can’t keep up with. What happened to those friends you were once thick as thieves with? Are they still around? Are those relationships still going strong? Have those friendships managed to last over the years? Well, not every person I once called my best friend is still around in my thirties. I’ve learned that as life changes, there is the potential for friendships to change as well, whether we anticipate it or not.

I have a small number of friends who have been in my life since grade school.

Our lives have gone in different directions and thrived at different speeds. We have individually endured our own challenges and setbacks in life. We have laughed together, cried together, and supported each other though tough times.

And while we may not all speak to one another on a daily basis, we are forever connected by the love we have for one another. That sounds like hearts and flowers, doesn’t it? The truth is, some bonds will grow stronger with time, while some will lose it’s intensity for one reason or another. Yes, I still have my faithful few in my corner, but it takes work. It takes an undeniable effort to be there for one another when life becomes more complex with time. More than anything it requires an unconditional love that Christ defines for us in scripture. Sometimes we are successful in this pursuit of being a good friend, while sometimes we aren’t.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
– 1 Corinthians 13:4-7

The love God requires of us doesn’t come with stipulations or clauses. It just is. But I have to admit, to love the way God commands us to is not easy. We as women are emotional beings who are opinionated and driven. We are busy. We are complicated. We are imperfect. Our flesh can be overpowering at times and let’s not start on the power of an ego.

Must we be patient, kind, encouraging, humble, and forgiving? Yes. Indeed that is what a true friendship is built on. This isn’t the kind of love the world encourages. It’s the kind of love that takes strength, patience, and understanding. Some relationships will require more of us than others, but ultimately, to be a good friend we must strive to love God’s way. The scripture reference above would have us to know that if we insert our name in the place of “love” and “it”, much work would be required.

I must admit that there is a season for everything and sometimes letting go of a friendship is very necessary for our own personal growth. How we come to that conclusion should not be influenced by heightened emotions, but rather the Spirit of God. If we find ourselves in a toxic relationship, we should take the time to seek God for guidance and also take a good look in the mirror at our own actions and motives.

The strongest relationships in my life are those built on transparency, honesty, and unconditional love. Like all things that God requires of us, being a good friend calls for us to be intentional and to love as Christ does.

While all friendships don’t work the same or require the same efforts, I’ve come to understand that friendships require sacrifice, intentional gestures of love and support, and an overwhelming amount of empathy. It requires the giving and receiving of grace and an aptitude for letting things go. It calls for us to be the friend we want others to be towards us.

Your Happiness is Important

I’ve been talking with a friend recently about how she hasn’t been happy in our little town. Though she’s attending college, her struggle to make new friends has been difficult. Her drive from home to school and back isn’t pleasant. Her routine doesn’t make her excited.

As we sat down and talked about her action of transferring to another school, I remember being in her shoes about 5 years ago. I had actually moved out of my small town to our state capital – Sacramento. Even though I was in a different place, experiencing new things, I was not happy. I actually got very depressed. I made no friends. I failed exam after exam. After class I would eat and head to my bed to sleep. There was no life in my spirit. My family and friends back home could tell.

Something her mother said reminded me of what my mom told me years ago: You are not happy here. I want you to be happy.

I think, in my case, I didn’t want to disappoint my parents. They were paying for my college and for my expenses, yet I couldn’t even do my job – go to class and get good grades. I thought, “I’ll just try to make myself happy. I’ll wait it out. I’ll finish my last 2 years of college and then find a place that makes me happy.” But it wasn’t happening. I was getting further away from being happy.

My mom said it again: I want you to be happy.

So I decided to change my scenery and move to San Jose. I even decided to change my major; I wasn’t happy with what I was studying.

I think a lot of us women just wait things out because we think that happiness is around the corner.  It might be. There are times when we have to go throw some little low parts to hit the highs. We could be going through a season where God is using an opportunity for us to press into Him. But I know that God doesn’t us to be miserable. I know that there is joy found in Him but He has created this incredible world to experience life, love, and joy.

How many of you have stayed in a relationship longer than you should have? You thought to yourself, “It’s going to get better. We love each other…” But it doesn’t get better, it gets worse.

Maybe you have stayed longer in a job because of the perks it comes with, but everyday you dread spending 8 hours in a place you do not like.

We have the ability to change. We can change the group of friends that we spend time with. We can change churches. Change our diets. Our wardrobes. The paint on our walls.

You DESERVE to be happy.

Your happiness is important.

When your happy, you’re able to function well. You’re able to connect with people easier. You feel more productive. You can even love others better.

You deserve to wake up everyday excited to see what God is doing do and what He is going to show you.

You deserve friends who lift you up with grace and love. You deserve an amazing, healthy, relationship with a man. You deserve to enjoy God’s beauty and adventure for your life.

Not everyday is going to be rainbows and sunshine even when you change things. Change doesn’t automatically promise you happiness. But what I want you to see is that creating a little change can send you in the right direction.

You don’t have to stay stuck where you are. Your feet are plastered in concrete. Sister, it might be scary going out the norm to find renewal of your spirit and mind, but you deserve to be happy.