The Captivating Woman

Designed with purpose.

Be Truly Lovely

Society likes to preach about individuality; to embrace your uniqueness and express oneself openly to the world. Yet, there’s such a discrimination due to the constant defining of beauty through one specific image.

The definition of beauty has been taken and molded by the hands of man, instead of being remembered that beauty comes from the hands that created man.

The best way I can explain something to be truly beautiful, is for it to be strong and undisguised. There is nothing more radiant than coming across an individual whose goal is to not concern their main focus on being physically beautiful, but instead strive for their heart to hold the beauty.

“Do not let your adorning be external-the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear-but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious.” – 1st Peter 3:3-4

Witnessing the way a person talks, laughs, looks, carries themselves, loves, and expresses emotion is witnessing the craftsmanship of the Creator. If you try to change the way you are and mold yourself into some image, then the world is missing out on your precious, one-of-a-kind self!

 “We are worth more than jewels! Our beauty doesn’t come from our exterior appearance but comes from the soul!” -Audrey Hepburn

Loving yourself and accepting your worth is so very difficult; it even feels impossible at times! We as humans tend to place our worth into the hands of others in hopes that they will build us up and that we will continue to have great meaning to them.

I can say without a doubt that I did this.

I constantly seeked my worth from others more than I seeked it out from Jesus. And eventually it became crystal clear to my mind and soul that to seek confirmation of my worth in humans would only lead me to destruction and disappointment.

It was completely pointless to confirm my price in worth because my being had already been paid for through love and sacrifice.

It had finally clicked that to love myself and accept my worth, I had to fully give up this identity that I had created and indulge myself in the One who had, from the very beginning, set my worth.

“He makes us, utterly, real, and everything that is hurt, everything that seemed to us dark, harsh, shameful, maimed, ugly, irreparably damaged, is in Him transformed and recognized as whole, as lovely, as radiant in His light.” – Awaken As the Beloved -Saint Symeon

Beauty is what He is. Therefore, when we seek Him and dive deeper into His grace, we too gain beauty. A beauty that fills up our insides and leaks onto our exterior. A beauty that makes the heart joyful and the mind at peace. Our worth is our being, and our being is identified in Him.

Don’t let anyone or anything ever take control of your worth or beauty. Because you are so lovely and your worth is more than all jewels in the eyes of the Beloved.

“Behold, you are beautiful, my love; behold, you are beautiful; your eyes are doves. Behold, you are beautiful, my beloved, truly delightful.” – Song of Solomon 1:15-16

Big Talk. Real Talk. Get down with your real self!

How many of us can say that we are always our true selves?

How many of us can honestly say that we don’t ever wear a mask…we put up a front and act like we have everything under control?

I can honestly say that for many years I felt like I could never let anyone know that I was not okay, that I did not have everything under “control” or even that I needed help or prayer.

A couple of days ago I went out to dinner with a couple of friends and as we were getting ready to eat one of the guys said, “I am going to challenge you guys to continue the rest of the night with big talk, instead of surface level or what you call small talk, let’s be real with each other”.

WOW! I can tell you that changed the whole atmosphere right then and there! I knew that God was challenging me to “get down with my real self” and not only let people in my world but also allow opportunities to really be interested in others lives as well. No more surface level conversations, be completely honest, open and really be interested in listening, encouraging and even praying right then  and there for people around us. When I say people, I don’t just mean close friends and family, I also mean people at the grocery store, your server at a restaurant, your customers, your sisters/brothers friends and the list goes on and on.

One of my daily prayers is:

“Lord, help me be more like You! Let me be Your hands, feet, mouth and let those around me see Your love, compassion, grace, kindness.”

But what good does that do if I don’t ever seek those opportunities to love people and really be generous with my words and time?

For most people when you ask them, “How is your day?” they will answer, “It’s good” when really sometimes it is not good. I found that a lot of people get thrown off and often times tend to try to veer away when someones response is other than, “It’s good”. I believe those are the opportunities we have to really provide a listening ear, encouragement, or even an opportunity to pray right then and there for someone and really show the love of God.

“Let me give you a new command: Love one another in the same way I love you. This is how everyone will recognize that you are my disciples – when they see the LOVE you have for each other.” – John 13:35:36

I challenged myself and now challenge you, to begin to have “big talk” with people and when someone says ” I am good”,  be bold and ask the follow-up question, “Are you really good?” I can assure you that 99 % of the time that follow-up question will lead you to a deeper conversation. I know that has changed relationships all around me and even provided opportunities to build relationships and truly begin to exercise characteristics of Christ. Get uncomfortable, inconvenienced, be generous with your time and words, let people know we are imperfect people serving a perfect God. All God requires of us is availability and obedience, God will do the rest!

The Gilmore Girls Did Not Prepare Me For Marriage

Fall in love with someone who doesn’t make you think love is hard.  -Anonymous

I was perusing the interwebs the other day and I came across this quote on Pinterest.

From a quick glance and move on perspective, many people may not realize how this type of thinking could play out in their own relationships. Some may think “Yes! This is exactly what I am looking for, or “If only a man out there like this existed…”

When my husband and I started dating, he was the first man to ever call me out in love about my heart issues. I had no idea the amount of unforgiveness, anger, and fear I was holding onto. Of course, when we are called out in our sin our first reaction is not often resulting in a bear hug of thankfulness for them making you see the light. (If this is you? Oh bless you…)  

My reactions came from the overflow of what existed in my heart, which meant it was not always    pretty. I started to become discontent.

The reality is, love and marriage is not easy. Sin is painful. Happiness is not pursuable because it is ever changing. Contentment is pursuable because it is rooted in Christ, who is unchanging.

Marriage is designed for the purpose of becoming holy and more like Christ.

All I know is Gilmore Girls could not have prepared me for this…

To be content in my marriage meant that I needed to run to God and ask him what it means to be in a marriage that is glorifying to him. Then be willing to have him show me the areas in which I needed a full on rehabilitation of my thinking.

To erase my views and expectations that I had learned growing up watching tv shows, listening to pop songs, and even the marriages I saw with my own eyes. I needed to start with a blank slate that was based on Jesus and him alone.

God started to reveal to me that being content in my marriage meant quite a few things.

#1 – Having a strong foundation in knowing where your identity comes from is crucial in marriage. The thing is, my husband is human! He is sinful as well, and so to be content in my marriage meant that I needed to know up front that Jose would disappoint me. That grace and understanding would be a pivotal part of being married. Forgiveness should be handed out not when my husband deserves it, but out of the thankfulness of the grace that is given to me daily from God. I still struggle with the truth that my identity in Christ still exists, even when my husband and I are not on the same page. This is a work in progress.

#2 – I started to realize that the biggest obstacle in my marriage is not my husband, finances, school, his mistakes, but it was me. I am the biggest obstacle in my marriage. To be content meant that I needed to truly surrender my marriage to The Lord. To hand him my marriage knowing he is working on Jose. Working on the man of God he is creating him to be, and I needed to focus on my walk with Jesus and the woman he is creating me to be. The state of your vertical relationship (You & God) is what allows you to have healthy and God honoring horizontal relationships (You & Others).

#3 – lastly, is comparison. Deadly comparison that likes to seep into our thoughts and make us feel like what we have is not good enough. It is that Instagram post that you saw of your friend and her husband going on vacation, or the flowers that her husband brought home just because, or the sweet hand holding you see while on a double date. Comparison will kill the beautiful marriage that God has given you.

It will discourage the man you love and create an environment of insecurity. I know this because I have walked on this road before. Sister look at your husband with a thankful heart. Look at the man that God is molding before your eyes (remember sanctification is rough!), and as I type this I am saying this to myself as well. Be thankful that God has chosen you above all other women to walk with your husband and be there to witness and see the man of God he is laying out before you.

Being content in marriage can be a struggle because our flesh will always be looking for more. To be content is to keep our desires in check, and if they are not in line with what God has for you as his daughter, and you as a wife. Chuck em out of the window! His desires for you will always be sweeter, than the temporary fix we tend to cling onto.

Contentment will not happen overnight, but embrace the process sister! I promise you it will be worth it.

[ If you are in a relationship that is abusive and harmful, this is not a post for you to learn how to be content. Sister, please reach out to someone you trust that can help you get out of this environment, and truly know that you are a beloved daughter of a King. ]  

Sufficient Grace

I have a confession to make: I am terrible at grace. 

Terrible at accepting it, terrible at resting in it, terrible at trusting that it really is sufficient, terrible at being quick to extend it to others.

I don’t know that I struggle with anything in the Christian sphere like I do grace. How much is enough, how generous with it do I really have to be? At what point is the God of the Old Testament going to make the ground open up and swallow the crazies? At what point am I going to fail for the thousand and 1th time and discover that grace was sufficient up until a point, but I have officially used all of my life. At what point should we be calling people out on their sin and bad choices because Romans is pretty explicit about the fact that we shouldn’t continue to sin so that grace may abound all that much more freely.

I want to expect perfection from myself. I want to be known for always getting the job done, exactly right, and on time. I want to have perfect grades so people will love me and look at my academic career with a little bit of awe and jealousy. I want to always be right in my interactions with people. I want to feel like the righteous one, who doesn’t really need grace, because grace makes me uncomfortable.

It’s the blank check that leaves way too much unanswered. I need boundaries. I need an end to how much forgiveness I can expect, so I can make sure to always stay just this side of the okay line. I need to be able to tailor my behavior enough that I don’t accidentally wander out of the fold. I need control. And grace takes every bit of the control I crave, and responds with:

“My grace is sufficient for you, and my power is made perfect in your weakness.”

It doesn’t give me a free pass to do whatever I want with no repercussions. Laws of nature still exist, laws of the land still exist. I can (and do) still hurt people with my words and behaviors when I focus too much on what I want, need and am trying to accomplish. Grace instead looks at me and says, “That was a crappy thing to do. The honorable thing to do would be to make it right, and not do it again – but regardless of what you do next: you are more loved and treasured than you can even begin to understand or calculate.”

It’s the reminder, when I’m the woman who meets Jesus at the well thinking I’ve done a really good job at hiding the shameful things, that I’m seen and truly known – and the One who sees and truly knows still wants me. That One is still claiming me, for the world to see, even when I’m the prostitute washing His feet with my tears and drying it with my hair. That One who heard me loudly exclaim that I would never deny Him, only to then listen to me deny Him not once but three times, still places a call, that is infinitely bigger and more wonderful than I deserve, firmly upon my life.

It’s the knowledge that on my own, I am entirely capable of being selfish, arrogant, prideful, lustful, jealous, quick to anger, spiteful, unforgiving, unkind and vengeful – and am still somehow found worthy of love. And because I have been given worth and identity that far exceeds what I deserve, I am not defined by or stuck in any of those things.

It’s the gentle nudge, when my first instinct is to be angered or disappointed that someone let me down, that they are doing the best they can and deserve just as much grace as I do. The small voice that reminds me that I can’t begin to give enough grace to others until I can trust that there is more than enough for me. That reminds me that to love like Jesus means to go to my grave giving so much more of grace away than anyone can expect. And is quick to remind me that when I fail at that, over and over, I am still called worthy and loved by the Creator of the Universe. By grace embodied. By the One who coaxes me up from each and every fall, every face plant into the dirt, with gentle words that comfort me and remind me that this is not the end of my story. Who waits patiently with me while I get up and brush off the dust, before encouraging me to try again, to keep going.

It’s the driving force behind any ability of mine to be gracious, kind, patient, forgiving, selfless, honorable and loving when it isn’t easy or convenient to feel that way. It models what true, real, lasting love looks like. Because I was first so loved, I too can love. It strips the power from the fear that wants to swoop in, because I am firm on my foundation and sure of my worth and value.

I may fail, I may fall, I may lose respect, esteem and the popular opinion – but I cannot lose grace. I cannot fall too fast or too far to be outside of His reach, or beyond what grace can redeem.

Steady Heart

All of us, everyday, come to put our faith, our worth, our trust, our hope, in something, or someone. For many of us, that may look like a significant other, a parent, a close friend, and at times, God. I want to challenge you with a thought today- if God was the only person you had left to put these in- Would you be okay? Would it rock your entire world?

Well, if that thought scares you; that’s understandable. Yet it’s a very real reality each of us may face one day, and we need to come to terms with it.

For me, being a believer, I strongly felt that the place I put all of my faith was in God. Until the day I lost my Dad.

My Dad and I had a relationship where basically anytime my life was falling apart, he’d fix it. I called him for everything. “Dad my car is making a strange noise!!” Or “Dad this guy was so mean to me today and I got a parking ticket and I have no money and had the worst week ever!” Whatever it was, my Dad always made it better. “Sweetie it’s okay, don’t worry. Just pray. You’re beautiful. I’ll fix it. I’ll pay for it.” And he called me and texted me all the time, always encouraging even when I was annoyed and never responded. Most of the time I took his ever presence in my life for granted and just thought to myself “he’ll always love me and he’ll always be there.” Although that was true, it wasn’t in the way I imagined it to be.

February 11th was like most days. My Grandpa had passed away a few days before so my Dad was a little more pushy with texts than normal. But I was being short with him because I missed my Grandpa. He wanted me to call that morning so he could record something for the funeral, but being my 22 stressed out college student self, I said “Dad!!! Can I please just call tomorrow?!” He finally agreed. I figured it wasn’t a big deal, since I was seeing him that weekend anyways and I had a huge midterm due later so it was understandable. Tragically, that weekend never came. And tomorrow morning would be too late.

I finished my final and as I drove home that night, I received a phone call that my Dad had a heart attack. He took his last breath at 8:20pm.

This reality sank in hard. Everything was gone in just a moment. Every opportunity I thought I had to tell him I loved him. To give him the picture I painted for his birthday. To thank him for always being there. Gone. And the scariest part was the reality that I was now alone. The person who was always there to fix everything, that made everything better, is gone, and isn’t coming back.
As painful as this was to realize, and as heartbroken as I am, there is something profound that has come out of losing my Dad. God has brought me to fully put everything in him, and in return has given me a steady heart.

Now, when I feel broken, when I’m scared, when I feel unworthy, I call upon Jesus. Yes, it is hard not having my Dad, but I learned an invaluable lesson on where my faith needs to be. Where my hope and my trust should be placed. And it’s fully in the hands of God.

I’m not saying don’t love your loved ones, or rely on them. Because God put them in your life for a reason. But realize it is Gods love you should rely on ultimately. Don’t lose sight of the SOURCE of the love that you feel. Keep your relationship with God a top priority and don’t take it for granted. God has innumerable strength; and unending, unwavering love. Lean into it. Abide in it.
When you put your hope in things of the world, your heart will feel uneasy. So instead, put your trust, hope, faith, and worth in God and He will give you in return a steady heart.

“The LORD will work out his plans for my life–for your faithful love, O LORD, endures forever. Don’t abandon me, for you made me.” -Psalm 138:8