Go to any grocery or book store and you’ll find magazines with titles that say:

“10 Ways to Meet your Future Husband!”

“5 Mascaras You Need in Your Life!”

“4 Steps to Your Beautiful Self!”

Honestly, I like standing in longer lines at the grocery store. It’s my time to read through magazines because I’m a little bit cheap and I don’t want to spend $8. I’ll scan through the articles to find how I can be my beautiful self, to then realize I’ll need to cut out sugar and purchase a lip plumper that would cost me an arm and a leg.

Instantly I feel dread and disappointment. I’ll think to myself, “I’ll never fully know what being my beautiful self is because I didn’t accomplish the 4 steps.”

We live in a culture that creates lists. We believe that if we follow a formula we can be a new person, or gain a job, or be the best mom on the face of universe. But those lists are almost never met.

So what makes a Captivating Woman?

There’s not a list, a 5 week program, or a book you can read to make yourself captivating. There is nothing you can do to become a captivating woman. Breath in that freedom, sister.

The title is misleading for a reason.

See, I used to live by formulas. I needed a check list because I thought if I accomplished all things, THEN whatever I was aiming for would happen. Sometimes it worked, but most of the time I ended up in failure.

I ended up in tears. I ended up binging on food. I ended up shaming my body and the way I put on my makeup. I lied to myself and said I would never be pursued by a man because I wasn’t in spin class 6 days a week.

There’s a very popular chapter in Proverbs. Before I say it, I’m sure you already know what I’m referring to. Proverbs 31. Please understand: I am not dishonoring God’s word. I am not saying that Proverbs 31 should be erased from the Bible. I’m not saying we should not study Proverbs 31.

But I believe as a community of women we have made the Proverbs 31 woman the ultimate goal in our life. But the thing is, we are not going to hit every quality in that chapter. I’ve heard ladies say that we should learn how to sew because Proverbs 31:19 says, “Her hands are busy spinning thread, her fingers twisting fiber.”

I am terrible at sewing. I sewed a dress for my doll when I was 11 and it was alright. It wasn’t something I would put on my body.

But I know some gals who are incredible seamstresses. I am so drawn to their skill and craft. I would do anything to be talented in that category.

If I made a list of every quality of the Proverbs 31 woman, I would feel overwhelmed. I think a lot of us feel overwhelmed when we are looking at lists of what to do to become something. And even as we try our hardest, someone is always doing it bigger and better. We feel so inadequate.

I can’t imagine being a mom one day. There are those moms who make motherhood look easy. Next to them are the ones with macaroni in their hair staring at the “Mom of the Year”.

If you read all of chapter 31, you see her as this energizing bunny. She keeps going and doing and serving and loving. And all of that is beautiful. But for me, there are days when I’m done. I’m empty. I don’t have as much grace as I should. I lack joy at times. I take a few naps during the week.

But yet God still rules in my heart. His nature is still flowing through my bloodstream. I am able to reflect who He is in the quiet moments when I’m not even trying to.

I’m going to repeat this again: there is nothing you can do to become a Captivating Woman.

We are captivating because of a King. As followers of Christ, daughters of the King, we instantly reflect who He is.

Galatians 2:20 says, “My old self has been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me. So I live in this earthly body by trusting in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.”

I’m not captivating by how I dress, the makeup I use, or by the way I walk. I’m captivating because I’m allowing Christ to live through me. I’m allowing His characteristics to shine through my pores (and they are probably really oily). People are not drawn towards me because I’m Sarah Sandoval, they are drawn to me because I resonate Christ.

I’m thankful that we don’t have to complete a 25 step program to become captivating. By us being the woman God intended us to be, we shine, we draw people in, we captivate others because He lives in us.

If you’re quiet, you’re captivating. If you’re loud and wear purple lipstick, you’re captivating. If your hair is flat and have pimples covering your face, you’re captivating.

You are captivating.